Nicole cancelled another date. She hadn’t kept a date this month. One guy she had seen before. He gave her good head, but his equipment looked strange. She had decided against letting him inside her. Two other guys were new. They certainly were eager, but she didn’t share their enthusiasm. To her disappointment, she didn’t share anyone’s enthusiasm.
She just wanted sex. Finding partners wasn’t an issue. Dealing with them before and after was. Watching some sap try to convince her he was worth her time made her feel sad for all men. Even when she was blunt about her intentions, guys would try to be something more to her than what she sought. The texting, the emailing, the tired conversations: she didn’t want any of that. She wanted a guy to give her what she craved and then leave her alone. Being alone didn’t bother her. In many ways, she preferred it. Long-term relationships worried her. She found life to be too short for that nonsense. Nicole just wanted to get off, but she wanted this from guys who would agree to get lost. Why was this so difficult?
Tonight she decided to spend the evening with her wide array of toys. She thought of them as antidotes to men. Sex with men could be fun, sometimes. Seeing them get so into it was too distracting. She wanted to tell them that their efforts weren’t worth it. They could do whatever they wanted to her, but it wouldn’t come close to what she could do for herself. None of them knew this, but they were all just warm-up acts. After they would leave, she would take care of herself the right way. While they were trying, she would reach her orgasm by thinking about what she was going to do later, not because of what they were doing to her. She thought about all the guys she had fucked. Nothing about their cocks or what they did with them made a difference. Their warmth felt right. Their movement did too, occasionally. Many years ago, she had ruined men for herself. She could never go back.
Some nights made Nicole wish she could go back. Not that she wanted to foster some connection beyond sex with a guy, but she wished she could enjoy sex more. Lately, she had felt going through the charade wasn’t worth it. She knew what she wanted and she didn’t need to tolerate another person to get it. She almost wanted a machine instead of a man. Nothing made her feel the way her toys did. No tongue could compare with her vibrator. No cock could fill her the way her favorite dong did. This dong was problematic. No human had a cock even close to this size. The way she climaxed with it inside her didn’t feel like a climax from sex. She didn’t think about sex when using it. The sensation stirred emotions that she could feel without a man’s help. Using it was its own sexual experience. She longed for that moment more than any other. She longed for an unfeeling hunk of silicon.
Going back wasn’t on her agenda tonight. She was going to enrapture herself with an unnecessarily large dildo. As she took it from under her bed, she chuckled to herself, wondering why the manufacturer bothered to make it look like a penis. She set up her play area near the head of her bed. Lube was important for getting started, but she never failed to get wet enough to handle the rest on her own. For a slight twist, she opened her laptop. Watching clips of others working themselves over with huge toys seemed like a novel mood setter. She took a look.
Insertion videos weren’t as sexy as she had hoped. Many of these women appeared to be in pain. Others appeared to be faking it. She wanted to hear them approaching orgasm. She wanted to believe they were feeling what she felt when that missile was stretching her. What she saw didn’t convince her. She found something else, though. A link took her to a collection of fisting videos. Most featured women with other women. This was peripherally familiar territory. The friend who turned her on to using this giant dildo had told her about a delightful fisting experience. She told Nicole about one of her most memorable orgasms at the hands of a female lover. Nicole hadn’t been with a woman and hadn’t wanted to be. The videos certainly intrigued her. Then she noticed one featuring a man using his fist on a woman. She looked on with increased interest.
Within minutes, Nicole had renewed her relationship with porn. Watching this man plunging half his arm inside this woman made her a believer. She needed that. The clip was just a few minutes long, but she watched it repeatedly while taking her precious dildo inside her inch by inch. Typically, she didn’t fantasize while using it. While this video played, all she could imagine was a burly arm forcing its way against her yielding flesh. The videos of the women were soft and loving. The video of the man was harsh and hedging on violent. Nicole watched the woman taking his fist and finally felt convinced. This woman’s orgasm wasn’t just real; it was profound. It flipped a switch inside Nicole. When she finally came, she made herself slightly hoarse.
Her new fascination stole her sleep. She wanted to know who would be willing to do this for her. Late into the evening, she reactivated her profile on a site dedicated to kink. She had never met anyone from the site and originally found it to be off-putting. Tonight she figured she might use it to find a man who could be of some use to her. She changed her settings and updated her profile to reflect what she wanted. Doing so got her wet again and she took her attention away from the site to deal with an immediate and real yearning. Another orgasm later, she returned to find a new user had taken interest in her. His profile caught her attention…
More in a few days.